I am not a cupid or cupid like person by any stretch, but I do like to have a love of my life who can accept what I have to give and give back equally. One of my biggest problems, and it should not be a problem, I give openly of myself and freely when I love someone. My stop switch is usually broken my friends would say. That is why I have great friends, they help me fix my switch! I had a long marriage of 21 years that failed. It should have failed before it started, but I loved this man! I waited and waited and waited for him to act, behave, say and support me in such a way as to demonstrate that love he ‘claims.’ Unfortunately, it never came, so it ended. It ended only when I came out of denial and accepted that this person, father of my children, did not love me all those years the way I deserved to be loved and treated. Until then, I painfully had to leave.
A couple of years went by after the separation and again I met and over time and some rough patches, fell in love again..and yes that feeling of wanting to be with this person to share my live was even stronger than the first one. He was there for me, he helped, he went places with me, gave some great advice, but what went wrong? Sadly, I loved the wrong man again, or at least so it seems! I gave fully, gave freely, told him how I felt, told him everything, shared my inner self and in the end he was not able to love me back, according to my belief. He never said it to me and I thought he might say it someday, but that day never came. I moved away and lived in another town, but as it would show, the love from his side was not there. I licked my wounds and learned some valuable lesson from both of those relationships.
First, I learned that it is a great gift to open my heart and hoping someday love will enter. I learned that if I don’t take risks I would not feel the joy of loving someone. I learned that heartache and pain from having to walk away from someone whom you truly love, can be a bear. It hurts all over, but in time that pain goes away little by little. I learned once in a while you will sit back and reflect and be sad for a while, but it will pass. I know how to cherish my good memories and toss out the bad ones. I learned that I do not ever want to be with a person who does not love me back or treat me in a manner that demonstrate their love. It will be more painful for me to stay in that relationship than to walk away.
So at a ripe age of..XX..still quite young, I am single and my heart is completely open. I am not afraid to give of myself and will continue to share my love.I know now this is my love to share and to take back when not appreciated. We never run out of love by giving it too much and as a matter of fact we get more of it..back in many ways. So live and love abundantly!
So, my short sermon of love and relationship from the little I now..I just wish I was less emotional and less hypersensitive..maybe one day I will meet a guy who is like that and he will understand..there is always hope..and faith coupled with great friends who are always on the look out to fix you up on a blind date! Thanks guys!